I just finished reading Managing Transitions by William Bridges, and all I can think is, where was this book five years ago?
I didn’t even realize I needed it until now. But with every chapter, I found myself reflecting on moments in my past that suddenly made a whole lot more sense. The times I felt out of sync during a leadership change, doubted myself in the midst of a new initiative, or held tightly to familiar routines when everything else was shifting. I thought I was just resistant to change.
Now I understand I was in transition.
What is the difference between change and transition?
Bridges explains that change is external. It’s the new policy, the reorganization, the updated bell schedule. Transition is internal. It’s the emotional process of letting go, wandering through the uncertainty in the middle, and eventually stepping into something new.
That middle part, which Bridges calls the Neutral Zone, isn’t often talked about. But it’s where many of us live, especially in education. It’s the space where routines unravel and identity feels blurry. I’ve been there more than once, unsure if I was doing something wrong simply because everything felt off.
I remember as a teacher when our school was modernized. It was supposed to be an upgrade. Bigger rooms, better resources, fresh paint. But I didn’t feel excited. I felt like a stranger in my classroom. Looking back, I wasn’t grieving the building itself. I was mourning the comfort of the familiar, the rhythm we had built, and the sense of belonging that came with it. At the time, I called it stress. Now I know it was transition.
Why this matters for educators and school leaders
One of the most powerful insights in the book is that people don’t resist change because they’re stuck. They resist because they haven’t had the chance to let go. They haven’t grieved what they’re leaving behind.
In education, we’re often celebrated for our flexibility and resilience. We move fast. We make it work. But too often, we skip over the emotional work of transitioning. We jump from one initiative to the next without taking a breath. Without asking what we need to release.
Bridges reminded me that real resilience isn’t about powering through. It’s about moving with intention. Letting go with grace. Approaching the new with clarity, even when it’s uncomfortable. (And even if I want to scream into my pillow!)
How I’ve experienced the Neutral Zone
I see now how often I’ve lived in that uncertain space. Not ready to let go of the old, not sure how to embrace the new. Whether it was a leadership change, a a procedure shift, or a redefinition of my own role, I wasn’t just adapting. I was transitioning.
This book gave me the language to name those experiences. It helped me understand why those moments felt so heavy, even when the changes were objectively positive.
If you are leading through change or simply trying to find your way in something unfamiliar, maybe you’re not stuck. Maybe you’re in transition. And that is not a flaw. That is being fully human.
P.S. Thanks to Scott at YouSchool for the book suggestion!
This post is the second in a new series exploring leadership lessons tucked inside childhood classics. If you missed the first—on elephants, sneezes, and innovation—you can find it here.
A Puppet, a Page, and a Pause
One of my most vivid memories from childhood is my dad reading The Monster at the End of This Book. But he didn’t just read it. He performed it. Grover wasn’t just a character. With a blue puppet in hand and a gravely voice, my dad turned each page into theater.
Each night, Grover begged me not to turn the page. He built walls. He tied knots. He panicked. And, of course, I turned the page anyway. I had to see what was coming.
Spoiler: The “monster” at the end of the book… was Grover himself.
He feared what he didn’t understand. He made assumptions. He underestimated both me and himself.
Sound familiar? (Certainly does to me!)
When Leaders Pull a Grover
In leadership, we sometimes panic about what’s ahead. We put up barriers. We try to control the pace of change. We yell, “Don’t turn the page yet!” believing we’re protecting others. But real empathy doesn’t mean controlling the narrative. It means walking with people through it.
Empathetic leadership says:
I won’t rush you.
I won’t minimize your fear.
I will sit beside you and turn the page when you’re ready.
What If We All Just Turned the Page?
Whether we’re implementing new technologies, navigating tough decisions, or supporting someone through a tough transition, there’s always a Grover in the room, scared of the unknown, convinced the end of the book holds doom.
And maybe we are Grover sometimes.
But what if we just… turned the page anyway?
With empathy. With curiosity. And with someone beside us.
Like my dad. It wasn’t just the puppet or the funny voice. It was that my dad fully entered my world. He didn’t try to fix Grover. He didn’t roll his eyes or fast-forward to the end. He honored the moment, and me, page by page.
Let’s Keep Reading Together
This series is reminding me how much childhood stories still shape my adult lens. If a children’s book has ever changed your perspective on leadership or learning, I’d love to hear about it.
Drop your favorite title in the comments and let’s turn some pages together.
P.S. It was only a few years ago that my Grover puppet finally met his demise.
If you’ve read it, you know how it goes. A giant elephant announces he’s about to sneeze and total jungle chaos breaks out. Birds panic. Monkeys flip. Even the crocodile gets nervous.
Why? Because the last time he sneezed, the whole forest turned upside down.
As a kid, I thought it was hilarious. Reading it now, I see something else entirely.
Leadership (and Sneezes) Are Bigger Than They Seem
The elephant wasn’t being reckless. He wasn’t out to scare anyone. In fact, he gave fair warning. But still, his sneeze carried a force he couldn’t fully control. His size made even a simple act feel seismic.
That image has stuck with me. Not just because it’s funny, but because it’s true.
In leadership, we often forget how much weight our words and decisions carry. What feels like a small adjustment, such as a platform update or a new policy, can send ripples through a whole system.
To us, it’s just a sneeze. To others, it might feel like the whole jungle is shaking.
Leading Innovation with Intention
At our charter school, we’re stepping into bold new territory: integrating artificial intelligence and virtual reality to create immersive, student-centered learning experiences.
It’s exciting, no doubt. But we’re not doing it just because it’s cutting-edge. We’re doing it because we believe it can deepen learning, elevate student voice, and open doors to new ways of thinking and creating.
And that means being intentional at every step.
This kind of innovation requires more than cool tools. It requires care. It requires asking: Are our teachers supported? Are students engaged, not just entertained? Is this helping them grow, or just adding noise?
We’re not handing students a VR headset and saying, “Go.” We’re inviting them to explore the moon, to train with an AI-powered speaking coach, to step into simulations where empathy, critical thinking, and creativity all matter.
Yes, we’re introducing new tech. But more importantly, we’re creating new opportunities for students to see themselves as capable, curious, and connected.
The Pause Before the Sneeze
What I keep coming back to is this: the elephant didn’t sneeze without warning. He paused. He looked around. He gave everyone a chance to prepare.
That’s leadership.
It’s not just about vision or bold ideas. It’s about noticing who’s in your path and being thoughtful about how your actions might affect them. It’s asking: Who will this impact? Are they ready? What support do they need?
Because innovation without awareness can flatten people. But with empathy, it can lift them.
At Elite Academic, we ask ourselves these questions constantly:
Is this truly serving students?
Are we empowering teachers, not overwhelming them?
Does this leave room for curiosity, for voice, for choice?
Sometimes, the most important thing a leader can do is pause, take a breath, and ask: Is now the right time to sneeze?
The Books That Stay With Us
I didn’t expect a children’s book to circle back into my life like this. But it did, and not just for the nostalgia.
It reminded me that leadership isn’t always about big moves or dramatic moments. More often, it’s about the quiet awareness of how much our presence can shape what happens around us. Even small decisions can carry weight. Even good intentions can have unintended effects.
And sometimes, the most important thing we can do is slow down long enough to notice that.
I’m still smiling at the story. But now, I’m also thinking about what it means to move through the world, especially as a leader, with care.
So now I’m curious: Has a children’s book ever stuck with you in an unexpected way? What story from your childhood keeps showing up in your thinking today?
Leadership is more than just guiding people through tasks and goals—it’s about creating an environment where potential is unlocked, and everyone feels seen and supported. In Make Possibilities Happen, Grace Hawthorne lays out crucial insights about transforming ideas to reality. I think her ideas can also reshape how we approach leadership, both in our personal and professional lives. Here are my four key takeaways from the book, each deeply connected to leading with empathy.
Never Mistake Information for Knowledge It’s easy to gather data and present facts, but knowledge goes deeper than surface-level information. When we lead with empathy, we take the time to understand the why behind the facts and connect them to the real human experience. This involves listening actively and seeking to understand each person’s perspective, ensuring that our decisions reflect not just what we know, but also the context, feelings, and needs of those we lead.
Air Navigation’s 1-in-60 Rule: Stay on Course with Your Goal In aviation, the 1-in-60 rule suggests that even a small deviation from the course can lead to big mistakes if not corrected. In leadership, it’s easy to get distracted by minor issues or challenges. However, staying focused on the ultimate goal ensures that we remain on track, and it’s empathy that helps us course-correct with care. When we empathize with the challenges people face, we understand when adjustments need to be made, always with a clear focus on the bigger picture.
Avoid Getting Too Lost in Minutiae—Be Both the Torchbearer and the Bellows In our day-to-day work, it’s easy to become bogged down by the small, often inconsequential details. However, Hawthorne warns against losing sight of the “spark”—the inspiration, the vision, the passion that drives us. As leaders, we need to be the ones who not only carry the torch but also fuel it. We balance between being hands-on with details and stepping back to lead with purpose. By practicing empathy, we ensure our teams feel motivated, recognized, and energized to move forward, without getting overwhelmed by the small stuff.
Ask the Right Questions and Solve for the Right Thing Leadership is about asking the right questions—especially those that address the heart of the issue, not just the surface problems. Empathy requires us to understand what people truly need and what obstacles stand in their way. By solving for the right thing, we can empower others and foster an environment where growth and collaboration flourish.
When we lead with empathy, we embrace these lessons to not only guide our teams effectively but also to create spaces where individuals can thrive, innovate, and feel valued.
I signed up for the Next Big Idea Club because I wanted to be introduced to books and ideas that may not have normally come my way. This latest shipment included a book that I definitely would not have purchased in the store.
Why wouldn’t I have purchased it in the store? Well, I am horrible at establishing good habits. I can’t seem to keep up with most of what I start – running is a good example. I had actually gotten to the point of finishing 6 or 7 miles without dying and then, BAM, just quit. I don’t know why. So the idea of picking up a book on habits just wouldn’t have been on my radar.
But luckily it was on NBIC’s radar!
This book has taught me so much about how habits are formed, and how to influence those habits (and how to get my fit lifestyle back on track!). As Wood describes it, “Habits make the wildly challenging and difficult seem easy and safe.” Because habits are a kind of action that is “relatively insensitive to rewards,” it is able to run in the background while the conscious mind is still deciding to do something else.
As I read her book, I was thinking… teachers need to know this stuff!! How much better can I be as a teacher by understanding why some routines are successful and others are not when it comes to teaching and learning. And to life!
Cue and Response
Habits are all about cue and response. This is a crucially important piece of information. We talk about goal setting a lot, and self-control (aka grit) to meet those goals, but as it turns out, self-control really has no part in habits. Woods explains:
Goals can orient you to build a habit, but your desires don’t make habits work. Actually, your habit self would benefit if “you” just got out of the way.
Wendy Wood
Wood gives a lot of examples to support this claim. She talks about all the public service campaigns to get people to eat more fruits and veggies; to stop smoking; or to start exercising. Let’s be real – they don’t change our behavior, even though we know that they are important. Even when we swear that this is the year the gym will actually be part of our routine, most of us fail to carry it out. Why?
Cues and responses. The biggest cue of which is our surroundings. Without realizing it, our surroundings drastically influence our behavior. US soldiers in Vietnam had a drug problem. The drug was heroin, and the problem was big. Not only was it readily available in Vietnam, but it served an immediate need of taking the edge off a stressful situation. The government was concerned. How would these drug-addicted soldiers re-acclimate to civilized society?
After being sent to a week detox in Vietnam, soldiers were sent home and monitored. Only 5% started using again. Contrast that with the average drug relapse rate of 40-60% and it’s quite startling. Even unbelievable. So why didn’t they start using again? Change of scenery. The visual cues were no longer present, so the habit was disrupted. It’s why people who need to lose weight are told to rid their pantry of the sweet delicacies that they crave, or a prisoner can seem completely reformed, but quickly fall back into a life of crime when returned home.
Cue and response is important for students. If students always learn math in room 5, and then are moved to room 2 for a test, the disruption will impact habits.The habit to check over the work twice, or to always reduce fractions, could be impacted. Likewise, if a student gets used to giving all green flyers to his parents for a signature, and one week the green paper is out and pink paper is used, there may be less signatures turned in the next day because the visual cue was disrupted.
Repetition
Visual cues aren’t the only thing to impact habit. Repetition is a big one, too, and probably the one we are most familiar with. If we can just get to the gym every day, the repetition should create a habit… and yet, with my running, I was running multiple times a week and it still didn’t become a habit. Why?
Because repetition isn’t enough. Repetition needs to be coupled with situational control. In other words, the trips to the gym, or to start running, need to be set regularly. People who are gym addicts usually go at the same time every day. Runners hit the streets right after they wake up, or when they get home. They don’t wake up each day and have to figure out when to go, which then requires the conscious mind to step in and make decisions. When we remove the conscious mind from the equation, it actually changes our experience of the activity by making it seem easier.
If there is a repetitive behavior that needs to be ended, Wood recommends creating friction. For smokers, it was easy to buy a pack when vending machines were everywhere. Now that they can only be purchased by asking a clerk to get the pack from behind the counter, and most places don’t allow public smoking, there has been a huge reduction in smokers in the United States. Barriers work a lot more than willpower!
If we want students to be responsible for turning in their assignments every day, then repetition is a great structure. Every day at 8am, assignments are collected. Make it even easier and add cues and responses. Every day at 8am, the red basket will be set on the table in which to place the assignments. If students know that lunch is at 11:00 every day, they will probably get restless a few minutes prior… have an assembly and lunch gets changed to 11:30am? Don’t be surprised if they’re still acting squirrelly at 10:58am. Want to disrupt that behavior? Hide the clock. Habits are like that!
Rewards
A habit is actually established when it is insensitive to reward. Maybe we initially ran for the medals at events, but now we just run because it’s how each day has started for five years and why stop now? Or we were rewarded with a cash prize for losing weight, but the cash prize was a one time event and the weight quickly returns. Dopamine is a fickle beast!
“To our conscious minds, larger rewards and more certain rewards – ones that we now are coming – are motivating. But habits thrive on uncertainty.” Don’t believe me? How often do you check your phone every day? 25, 50, 100 times? It’s a habit… some people call it an addiction. And yet how often are you rewarded with an interesting tweet or email or funny Reddit post? It’s the uncertainty of the reward that keeps us checking.
This is why grades aren’t motivational for many students, or token reward systems in classrooms. It may appeal to the conscious mind in the beginning, but it doesn’t help students develop a habit of reading before bed every night. Neither does collecting gold star stickers for signed reading logs. The uncertain reward of reaching a juicy part in the story could do it, though, if it was a book that meets the student’s interest.
Variety
Variety is the spice of life… but habits are bland and don’t like variety. Consistency is key to habit formation. Running at 6am every day is likely to become a habit. Running at 6am one day, noon the next, and then skipping two days is not going to make it stick.
And when trying to establish a new habit, connecting it to existing cues is an easier way to make it automated. So you’ve got the running set at 6am and it’s working for you? Add on eating a banana the moment you’re finished with the run. Now you’re adding nutrition to the routine. Stacking, as it’s called, takes advantage of the automaticity already in place.
Swapping also takes advantage of the automaticity but it swaps one behavior for another. Bananas have too much sugar? Swap it for an orange but don’t stop the process of eating the fruit right when the run finishes.
This was my weakness as a teacher. I thought students craved variety. I thought routines would diminish my star power. In reality, those routines help students create habits. And those habits free up the conscious mind to focus on what’s important – the new learning concepts. Once they know to turn in assignments to the red basket, adding a short “bellringer” activity to the mix becomes easy. Stack it on! No longer need the basket for turn in? Awesome. Swap it for a Google Form that tells you how they are feeling about the current learning concept.
Resiliency
An interesting thing about habits. Wood explains that, in times of stress, there’s actually a boost in habit performance. Habits are the safe harbors for our brain. As our consciousness deals with mental drain, the habits kick in and keep us moving. One study showed that corporate execs, when facing major business decisions that leave them anxious and under the gun, are more likely to avoid exploring new innovations. Instead, habit kicks in and the decision is to continue the status quo.
Teachers and students have similar responses. When a student falls behind, and is struggling with course content, they may repeat past behaviors, even though they are ineffective. Why not come in for lunch tutoring, you ask them. Because every day at 11:00, it is time for lunch and that’s the habit so the student goes to lunch. As a result, the teacher thinks the student doesn’t care enough to take care of the situation. In reality, the habit brain is taking care of the conscious brain by removing the need for a decision. In situations like this, habit discontinuity is needed. An external force (such as a teacher requirement to come in at lunch) has to shake up the brain and kick the conscious mind into gear.
Heed the Warning
Habits are awesome, but beware… repetition may strengthen our tendency to act, but it also weakens the sensation of that act. If you eat turkey every day for lunch, you may no longer find that you enjoy the taste. Running every day is great, but if it’s always the same scenery, it may not trigger that dopamine release you used to receive. Routines are great, but this is not….
Balance is key! Build the habits for the behavioral routines, and spend the conscious energy on the learning! Your students will thank you for it!
Understanding habits normalizes the trials of changing behavior. The distance between repeated failure and enduring, successful change is not marked by personal fortitude or determination…Instead, you cover that distance through simple steps…to encourage enjoyable actions that meet your long-term goals… This is the promise of a habit life well lived.
My daughter Alex gets a quirky partial smile on her face when she’s highly anxious or nervous. I worried that this would work against her when she was in Navy Boot Camp.
Usually, I would read the book so that my post-it tabs could be put to good use, but I’m glad I chose the audiobook this time. Gladwell, when quoting others throughout the book, included the original audio, so in many ways, the audiobook felt like a really long podcast, in which multiple people were invited to speak. It helped make sense of the dense topic he was wading through.
About the Book
But I have to admit, I didn’t love this book. I’m not even sure I really liked it. I did, however, enjoy the book talk, especially when we discussed the “allusion of asymmetric insight.” As the book explains, asymmetrical insight is:
The conviction that we know others better than they know us—and that we may have insights about them they lack (but not vice versa)—leads us to talk when we would do well to listen and to be less patient than we ought to be when others express the conviction that they are the ones who are being misunderstood or judged unfairly.
To illustrate this point, the book shares a simple experiment in which people are given words in which some letters are replaced with a blank. Participants fill in the blanks to form words. When people analyze the word bank of others, they tend to draw conclusions. For example, if most of the words are glum, they might assume the person is depressed, or negative. And yet, when looking at their own set of words, people often state that there is no correlation to their personality, and that the words are just random.
Mike asked each of the book club participants to also complete the word list. A couple participants even asked a few others to complete it as well. And just like in the book, we all ascribed no meaning to our own list, but could easily find connections in others.
Mike had a good insight into this – he said that, as humans, our brain is constantly looking to solve patterns and find meaning where maybe meaning doesn’t exist. I wonder if it’s a remnant of our cave days… staying alive by judging situations and people quickly.
Human Transparency
Which may explain another problem Gladwell brought up – that of human transparency. Gladwell says that we tend to have a “default to [an assumption of] truth,” meaning we think we know or can read other people’s intentions, good or bad. We base much of this on facial expressions. After all, how hard can it be to recognize anger or fear on someone else’s face?
Turns out it is pretty dang hard. Mismatches between expressions and intentions are common. And if you think all anger looks the same, then the Trobiander tribe in Papau New Guinea will convince you otherwise. To them, a gasping face is a face of anger and threats, and not fear.
And when the perceived facial expression doesn’t align with the emotion we expect to be present, it creates a mismatch. And mismatches can lead to incorrect assumptions about the person in front of us. This can be something as simple as, “That person is always in a bad mood” to a life altering guilty verdict because the defendant doesn’t appear remorseful.
I have been a victim of facial mismatching. RBF, anyone?
So why am I bothering to write about this?
I was talking to a colleague the other day who said that she had been perceived as a less dedicated teacher
How many times do we, as educators, make assumptions about our students, or their families, (or each other?) that are either based on an allusion of asymmetric insight or a facial-emotional mismatch?
Ever think a parent must not be invested in a child’s education since that parent never shows up to school events, award assemblies, or sign homework logs?
I’ve missed many of my daughters’ events because, as an educator, I had to be at events at the same time as they had theirs.
Ever suspect that a child (or spouse…lol) is lying since s/he is avoiding eye contact when questioned about a situation?
I get anxiety when confronted and look away so I can focus on controlling my own emotions before responding.
Ever assume the class understood your lecture because they are all nodding their heads as you speak?
So many times I’ve been off-task or bored and will nod so as to avoid being discovered.
Ever think a student doesn’t care about the failing grade because they smirk when you bring up the topic?
I circle back to the opening, and my daughter Alex with her quirky smirk…
Know Better, Do Better
Here’s the thing – so much of what we know, or presume to know, is based on assumption. I’ve made a lot of (probably incorrect) assumptions about my students and colleagues and community throughout my career.
Perhaps, then, Gladwell’s book had an impact on me, even though I wasn’t a huge fan.
Gladwell writes: “The thing we want to learn about a stranger is fragile. If we tread carelessly it will crumple under our feet… The right way to talk to strangers is with caution and humility.”
Laura K Spencer, Ed.D. 